Formerly well-adjusted woman celebrates first wedding anniversary

A NYC woman claims she is "happier than ever" despite a first year of marriage to a man who was unemployed for much of the year "writing a novel" that no one has seen.

Speaking with a persistent cough caused by dust from a kitchen renovation that has depleted their savings, the unidentified woman says she wouldn't change a thing.

"Okay, maybe in an ideal world we wouldn't have gotten the new puppy," she said, "but the urine odor is probably just temporary. "

Her husband was on his daily afternoon run in Central Park and unavailable for comment.

NYC teen survives harrowing semester in red state

A Manhattan teen is in stable condition after what friends and relatives describe as a terrifying ordeal that began when he made the fateful decision to enroll at a small college in Kentucky.

"Everyone assumed he was joking," said his father, noting that his son had spent his entire life in New York City. "Looking back, we realize it was a cry for help."

The teen, who may be suffering from shock, stated that "everyone there is actually pretty normal." He vowed to return in the spring.

Concerned friends and family who gathered for a candlelight vigil at the teen's Upper West Side co-op admitted that they had never actually been to Kentucky. "But," grimaced one, "Mitch McConnell."

Adorable, mischievous puppy becomes annoying, misbehaving dog

Family members who brought a puppy into their home a year ago say the now-one-year-old dog seems like a completely different pet.

"She was so cute when we first got her," says the co-owner of the dog, who asked not to be identified. "She'd chew on everything--shoelaces, furniture. And she'd look right at you and pee on the floor! We were constantly laughing!"

Other family members agree, and say they are miffed that those behaviors now seem less endearing.

"It's almost as if she was never properly trained," says a family member, "and now suddenly that's our fault."