A Manhattan teen is in stable condition after what friends and relatives describe as a terrifying ordeal that began when he made the fateful decision to enroll at a small college in Kentucky.
"Everyone assumed he was joking," said his father, noting that his son had spent his entire life in New York City. "Looking back, we realize it was a cry for help."
The teen, who may be suffering from shock, stated that "everyone there is actually pretty normal." He vowed to return in the spring.
Concerned friends and family who gathered for a candlelight vigil at the teen's Upper West Side co-op admitted that they had never actually been to Kentucky. "But," grimaced one, "Mitch McConnell."
